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FEATURED COVER GIRL
♥ Emma Ballantyne ♥
BIO:
Hello! Before I introduce myself to you all let me take a moment to thank Rachel
for inviting me to take part in her cover girl series. This is a huge honour for
me, and one which I'm not sure I entirely deserve!
My name is Emma Ballantyne, I am
in my early 40s and I hail from Scotland. I guess have always known I am transgendered
since I can recall having the urge to wear girl's clothes from around the age of
five. It all began when I had to wear pantyhose for my part in a school play around
that time.
I have no siblings, so unlike many t-girls I had no sister's clothes to
try on in my childhood. But being an only child did mean I could access my mother's
wardrobe when alone in the house. Her clothes didn't fit or suit me, but just having
an opportunity to dress gave me a tremendous feeling of contentment that I couldn't
experience as a boy. My parents knew of my behaviour, but to this day have never
discussed it with me.
Despite these feelings, I felt consumed by guilt and constantly
fought the urge to dress. There was no internet back then of course, and very little
literature available on tg subjects. The media and entertainment industries portrayed
crossdressing as a habit of psychopaths, deviants and the subject of ridicule. The
few girlfriends I shared my secret with tended not to be able to cope with this side
of me, and I just felt like I didn't fit in. (I still don't, if I'm honest)
In 2000
following the break-up of a long term relationship I decided the best way to console
myself was to invest in female clothes - lots of them! - shoes, wigs, make-up...
the works. And I never looked back! Soon I was heading out for nighttime drives and
nervous walks on deserted streets, but it wasn't until 2008 that I took the plunge
and ventured out in daylight.
When I am outside as Emma I like to go unnoticed but
still want to be seen, if that makes sense. But for some reason, and I still to this
day don't know why, I decided to upload a short video clip I filmed of myself at
an atm onto youtube. The feedback and positive comments I received amazed me. As
a result I grew in confidence and would go out more regularly and interact with people,
and I can honestly say that uploading that video completely changed my life - for
the better. I have now met wonderful friends who I can share a previously unspoken
side of my life with and finally feel happy to be they way I am.
Having said that,
I only present myself as a girl maybe 5 or 10% of the time. As a male I have little
pride in my appearance but when I transform myself into Emma I pay attention to even
the smallest detail. Now I really do know why it takes genetic girls so long to get
ready to go out!
Thanks for this opportunity Rachel
Emma
Click on Emma’s portrait below to go to her Flickr page. Click here to go to Emma’s YouTube page.
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